Well, I have been told that my blog was depressing... so, here is a happy post.
I had a great and wonderful weekend with sarah and her mom and sister in Shreveport. We went to a Mardi Gras prade and i collected 32 beads, four cups, a frizbe, and a coin. Annie, Sarah, and I had a great time talking, playing, and doing other random fun things.
On tuesday, Sarah and i wore our Mardi Gras shirts and beads, and that is how i found out the true meaning of Mardi Gras...Some people get affended by a person wearing beads on a certian tuesday. Most people thought it was cool, but there were the few that decided that they must do their "christian" duty to inform everyone around them of the sin and problems of this world. And yeah, i countinued to wear the shirt and beads... Well, i am off to dinner at saga...pray i dont die.

I hate getting sick...I hate saga...I hate the fact that i complain...I hate my life...I hate pain.

I wanna go home!!! I miss my Mom!!! I am tired, sick, and just plain o' exhausted!!! I want to cry, to laugh, to scream, to sleep, to die, and to run around like a chicken with my head cut off, all at the same time! Dios, me ayudas porfavor! Yo necesito tu amor y paz, Senor. Yo no se que pasa esta semana, pero tengo miedo de la futura. No se que me voy a esta fin de semana...yo quiero ir con Sarah a su casa pero tambien tengo responsibilidades aqui en la universidad. Tengo mucho trabajo, muchas cosas que hacer, y mucho tension ...y no soy fuerte por eso. Yo necesito Dios, Jesus, y los Espiritu Santo.

My life is meaningless...I shall post nothing today. And for you information, English homework, and all homework, is bad!

Oh, I spent valentines day with Aaron, and Annie, and Brian, oh yeah, and K. We watched movies, went to TB (short for Taco Bell, for those uneducated people) at 2:30am, played in the snow, ate saga, and all around had a blast! (and what Aaron said about me was all in a joking way and should not be taken seriously) (you can even ask Annie!)

My Valentines day was really cool. The first Valentines day I have ever celebrated without baby-sitting, I actually thought before that if you were single that the holiday did not apply to you... go figure. My dad always dreaded this holiday because it meant he had to leave his house, computer, and work and go out with his wife...(oh, how horrible)...and it also meant his anniversary was coming up (having to leave home, and etc. and go out). Needless to say, my father is an introvert...where did I come from?!? My mother and grandmother are both outgoing, but not as much as I. Blessed be the introvert for he/she will silently take over the world from their computers... If introverts took over the world, I wonder what they would do with us extroverts?
On that note, I took a test at church to tell me my personality...the only useful thing it told me is that I am extroverted and not a thinker. I got zeros on the other two things...that could be my problem, I can flunk a personality test, that is really impressive.
I use to hate being the center of attention...my friends and I would sneak off and have fun, but groups scare me!!! I like concerts but only when I can walk around or be where people are not touching me on all sides, or be among people I know. But if I do not know anyone, or a large group forms around me, I freak!!! The last concert I remember was Newsboys, we had been to concerts all day at Spirit West Coast. My friend convinced me to stand in the very front with her, we waited a few hours, but had a great view...people started pressing in and when the music started I was being shoved and pushed into the gate thingy to keep us back. I was pressed until I could not move then I started getting scared and tried to escape...but I was stuck...there was no way out! They had guys in front to help people out of there if they need to get out and I somehow got his attention, we were close to one, and he asked if I wanted out saying that I would not be able to go back. I agreed right away, and he reached down and picked me striate up and over the fence thingy (it was not extremely tall, like four feet). I have never felt so small as when he picked me up as if I were a feather and then set me down in a safe place. From there I went to the bleachers and sat with my amazing mom and friends...where I wish I had been the whole time.
So, if I hate groups...why am I the center of attention? My small group of friends is one thing...but I do not want to be the outgoing smart mouth. I feel so different from how I was...I used to say I was SHY!!! (ok, so most people did not believe me) I am just a small-town-country-girl. I raised chickens, goats, pigs, turkeys, rabbits, and many other animals, and loved it!!! For fun we would "go to town", which consisted of mom taking us kids (six at that time) to the nearest food store that was 45 minutes away (if you knew the road) and we would get to "eat out". At church, amazingly large at 8ish families, I would hang out with the only six other girls in the church (and two of those were sisters) and I would like never say anything. The families in our church mainly had boys, so there were a lot of them. I was braver than my siblings, which is not saying much (we took after our dad). I was the only one who would ask the over-seven-foot-tall UPS driver his name, and the only one to talk to the cop that came to our door while my parents were gone because our pigs got out (funny story behind that, and, yes, the cop had to replace his car door). Well, I was always interested in people and growing up I found that I could talk to anyone and they would talk to me. Therefore, I enjoyed it so why not talk to people. It freaked out my siblings, by anywhere I was I would start talking to those around me. I enjoyed that. In front of groups I shake and all I want to do is fall through a hole in the floor, public speaking is not something I do well.
So, why am I going on and on about this? That's a great question. They said I was the center of attention tonight while we were hanging out. I was taught that the center of attention is a BAD thing. Is it wrong for me to be in the center of it all? Is it wrong to be the center of attention? I WISH I KNEW!!!!

Amy, my adopted adviser, gave me chocolate!!! She is the awesomest adviser ever! I am so proud to be her adopted advisee. I am so glad she adopted me, myself not really having one, being a transfer student. I cannot believe that I am a sophomore...

Mwahahahahahahah I still have Jon's chocolate!!!!

It is One o'clock...I cannot sleep. I am worried again, as usual, because I have a test tomorrow...

Mom: Did you get chocolate and roses on V day?
Rachel: Only chocolate from you, and no roses
Mom: That is what girlfriends are for, to make up for the incompetent guys who don't remember that chocolate and roses are important.
Rachel: Yeah

Its snowing...and its not April 1st!!!

The debate:
Give him the chocolate.
It was in my box!!!
But it has his name on it.
Jon wont notice...
Would you care if he took your chocolate?
YES!!! (what a dumb question)
Hey, remember I am in your head! I can hear your thoughts...I am your thoughts...so do try to be respectful.
Yeah right, I forgot (sir!) *remembering of course that "sir and ma'am are disrespectful in CA*
Heard that!
Sorry
Should be, anyway.
So, why would he be any different about you taking his chocolate?
He would not...he loves Ghirardelli's as much as I do...
But think of all that good chocolate...
Oh, hello, I have been thinking of all that yummy, wonderful chocolate...
GO away...I am talking to her at the moment...
No, if you have a problem you leave, I have just as much right to her thoughts as you!
Anyway, you have chocolate...eat your own.
I know...
Its always better if it is someone else's...
No its not! I took yours yesterday and it was not any better than mine!
What!!! It was you who stole the chocolate?!?
It was for an experiment...you cannot be mad since I discovered something.
Yes I can!
Hey!!! This debate is over whether or not to give Jon his chocolate or not...stop your silly arguing!!!
Sorry.
you are not! I am sorry
Am too. And you are not as sorry as you should be!
How dare you contradict me!
that's my job remember!
Ah, right.
ok, so what should I do???
You should eat the chocolate.
Hey, that's my side of the argument! If we switch now we will confuse the poor girl more.
I am not a poor girl...you better...
Oh hush!
I thought it was only important that we contradicted each other, who cares about her?
Good point.
Oh my, you can just feel the love...
So, which side do you want?
I want the "Bad" side... *Bad boy music comes on...and then fades away.*
No, I am the bad one...you are suppose to be the good one!
Maybe this explains my lack of decision making skills...my good and bad side cannot even make up their minds...
Ok, I will be the "good" side. *the violins start to play until someone shoots the violinists*
Ok, agreed.
Um, I thought you had to contradict each other...
Ah, good point.
very well said, I must agree.
So, why are you still agreeing???
we are not...are we?
Maybe, how much do I get for disagreeing?
I will let you take the "bad" side next time.
ok
Um, so do I agree that we agree or do we not agree...and what kind of question do you call that.
If you cannot figure it out I get to remain as the "bad" side next time.
I am going to go talk to someone else, you are no more fun.
You big wimp!!! That's why you never get to play the "bad" side!!!
You are no fun anymore!
You are like so not helpful...
Maybe we should both gang up on her and whenever she chooses one thing contradict it so she can never make up her mind...
Yeah, that would be really cool, that way we can both be both sides...Yippie
You are now on time out...Silence...both of you.
Darn.
Your telling me.

Well, instead of something terrible happening...something WONDERFUL did!!! Somebody loves me, ALOT!!! I went to pick up mail and found two boxes and a envelope waiting for me, and another box that was for my roommate. My mom is the best MoM in the whole world. I got tons of chocolate and other fun stuff...and lots of frogs.
Quote from the top of the box:
Just a reminder that the guys around you may be frogs today but one kiss and Mr. Right may be your prince. Save that kiss.
I LOVE YOU MOM!!!

I am happy because its Friday the 13th...maybe something bad will happen...that would be cool. If something does happen I take no responsibility for it, I wrote my thoughts, I am not telling the future. I have heard many things about Friday the 13th...hum, yeah...nevermind. Chao

Well, man, I almost want to say that that was fun...almost. We, the few people on my floor who pretend to do things together, went and decorated our brother floor. The slight problem with that is even at three am they are not asleep. So, we sent in a guy to make them close their doors...I just love our element of surprise...and even then one was open. My job was to put down the confetiy hearts...fun fun fun. I cannot seem to get homework done or fall asleep...why in the world am I not tired??? I went and talked to some of the peoples "studying" in the lobby, yeah, they said I had way too much energy. One or two really were studying so I left. I tried running up the stairs but to no avail... I am awake, yeah yeah yeah...don't you hate when things become songs in your head...and then they stay there!!! Song...Be Gone!!! Yeah, anyway, that was a stupid comment, but its too much work to hit the back space key and, yeah, what else would fill the page, or, um, rather little box in which I am typing. Here I go again...I am going to go pretend I am asleep. Well, after English gets done, maybe. Valentine's Day is "single awareness day"!!!

I am sad...

I need to talk!!!!!!!! No one I know or wish to talk to is awake...it is a sign...of what I know not. Why am I an extrovert!!!! I hate it!!!! Yes, sometimes its nice to be outgoing and I love meeting people. But for the ability to work things out silently in your head...such a privilege I do not get. An introvert is fine on his/her own, but an extrovert needs people...WHY!!!! To be a loner, to be happy just to sit and ahhhh be alone. Aloneness is very scary, the thought gives me chills, but I want to be alone and with people all at the same time!!! I walked back to my room all by myself from LH (Longview Hall) and walking across the empty campus, not a soul in sight, oh, it was weird. It was as if I wished to be comfortable in that situation, but, yet I could not be, I thought about how wonderful it was to be out there, the beautiful night around me, then with a shock, I shuddered, I was alone...no one to help me or kill me or just be there to poke me...I was totally alone. I was surprised looking at my predicament...I could go anywhere, do anything, and no one would know the difference...one night, I, at random, put an away message, and went out for a walk, all by my lonesome, and it was great! I think the introvert, they are hiding some secret to the understanding of aloneness. It can make one feel powerful, and at the same time small. I looked up and saw the moon that night...it was HUGE with a awesome ring around it!!! I had never seen such a thing before, it was stunning...I stood in shocked silence (yes, I can be silent) and just wondered at the beauty of God's creation. I was yelling a question in my head at God when I saw the moon, why else would I have looked strait up overhead, and, yeah, well, it was as if God answered me, right then and there; He said that he was in control, and who am I to doubt. Well, me being the smart mouth I can be some times (my mom will tell you) I almost wanted to say that it was I Rachel who doubted...But then that brought up the question of who am I and what good does my puny word have against his, the mighty maker of heaven and earth!!! That night among many other things, I was distressed about my grandfather, though I did not know him well, I missed the fact that I did not get to know him well enough to so extremely miss him that I could cry. I can express my happiness!!! But if I ever feel sad or depressed (which happens more than I wish to say) I have no way of getting it out...its forever stuck inside me. I am a girl!!!!, we are suppose to be EMOTIONAL! but I am not, I cant cry at the drop of a hat. I feel like crying...like a soda being shaken, and then instead of opening up...the bottle stays sealed with the pressure built up inside...oh, I wish it would just explode! I want to cry and then get over it... That night I had a accounting test, mission trip change, homesickness, among other things. Every time I look or think about accounting it freaks me out!!! I don't know what to do about it...it wont disappear and I have been ignoring it!!! I did really poorly on my first test...and there seems to be no help and nothing any of us can do to avoid the destruction of all we hold dear...nothing can save us from the awfulestness (grasping for a suitable word for accounting and could think of no other that would be acceptable to write, much less think, so that will have to do) of accounting. I also went from the missions trip of my dreams to well somewhere else...I was going to work with kids in an orphanage to working in construction and drug rehabilitation people...
wow, that was a pretty amazing tangent...Lets do it again!!! I am feeling better now that some of my thoughts are out...but unfortunately for you, my reader, there are more, not all shareable but whatever.
Tonight, the awfulest thing happened with me and my roommate Sam and 41 (roommate and 41, someone save us!!!) Well, she was playing with one of them (no they are not cat toys, but similar) and yeah, things for my taste got out of hand. She, Sam, ended up being carried to 41's door and well, they were a bit loud and ended up with all parties getting a look (a certain RA can give a look to scare anything, or at least me) I was not part of it but was there in so my roommate would not be the only female there. I am afraid they might of thought that I was part of it...I was not. I just kinda strongly encouraged my roommate to get to our room, immediately!!!
WHY!!!!!!
Someone said that someone else really "does not like Rachel either"...what have I done to deserve this!!! I do not think I have done more than just say hello to this person a few times. Life can be sooo cruel. Well, I must complete my homework and then it off to bed with me. Maybe my computer will become more of a friend then others *shudders*, that will be the day.
What I really want to do is curl up with a great book with my cat on my lap in my bed and read the day away. I miss my cat, oh, how I miss her. Cat, I love you girl. Its a shame that cats cannot read. Oh, the soft fur, her jealous streak against books, annoying meow, and love of wet cat food... And my bed at home, such a memory that has all but faded... I miss my family too, ah, to be a child once again and to be, well, a child, so um, well, helpless, innocent, and adorable. I miss talking to my mom for hours on end about everything and anything...such a friendship nowhere else can be found. I miss hanging with my mom when my dad went out of town, we would watch TV, eat ice cream, and clean the house (some habits are hard to break). I miss my siblings (enjoy it, we will fight when I get home) to be able to pick on, fight with, hangout with, get to do random and sometimes horrible things with, and not worry about what they think of you because they are related to you and cannot do anything about it. Sharing the blame...hum, younger siblings are great for that... And not all the stupid things my siblings and I did as a kid were my ideas, we just fed off of each other. Calvin and Hobbes were are roll models!!! Oh, the fun hours of reading those books!!!
Ok, NO more homesickness aloud!!! OH I miss it all. I said stop!!! Your even making me homesick! Sorry. :-( Oh its no problem really if you stop. I will.
Ok so what!!! I am desperate for conversation, and people tell me I am interesting, so who better to talk to then myself?
I better go to bed now, Good mornight...
Did anyone ever tell her she talks to much???

It is really freaky to open up your page and see a big, ugly, fat dude looking back at you...so disturbing!!!

I am doing a wonderful job of procrastinating... I should stop. I should do homework. I should, I should, I should, BUT I don't want to!!! So, I don't think I am. Or I might. Yeah, well so I am not doing it at dinner again tomorrow night, like the last few times, I shall start on Accounting homework.

Weird, I wonder if all these leaders have something in common? When i answered the 27 qustions, I got him as a result.

What Famous Leader Are You?

Oh, well.

Holy cow, this thing may not be the most accurate... In this one I answered 18 questions...and well, um, the results may describe me but its a scary thought to think of me as...well, him.

What Famous Leader Are You?

well, the strangest thing happened. I did the famous leader thing again and the results were, um, quite shocking...

What Famous Leader Are You?

It was when you answered the nine questions.

Well, the wonder of it all. I made it a half hour late for a hour meeting and she said we would have to reshechual. So, i dont have to worry about seeing her for almost two weeks.

Now, that's just freaky. And it may say that I am that person but I am not. I am soo glad I am not that old yet! I don't think I have ever seen Schindler's list...makes me wonder. I have never been called a dwarf before... I wonder how they come to that conclusion? I answered all 45 questions... Anyway, I did those tests to get out of accounting...and well it must be done by tomorrow, so I had better do it. I am late for a meeting I forgot. Chao

What Famous Leader Are You?

What Classic Movie Are You?

I hate when you write something and it gets deleted... That is what just happened with this entree. So now you may never know what I was going to write.

I have had a wonderful Saturday night. Went to Spanish Bible study, watched kids for that group, watched Monty Python and the Flying Circus, and talked. Then I had breakfast...and then with a different person, I had breakfast again. I am ignoring homework and debating on sleep. Well, I am out of wonderful things to say, so good mornight. Oh, and a happy Sunday to you too. I cant wait till prayer and praise!

It is early in the morning...I should be asleep. I have used my inhalaler and paced the halls, read everyone's doors, and looked at all the pictures. The elephant is still sitting on my chest...I am still a fish out of water. I am tired! Yet, afraid to sleep...Afraid of what? I do not know...I wish I did.
I have been reading a really awesome book called Diary of an Anorexic Girl by Morgan Menzie. It totally expresses how a teenage girl thinks!!! I really am enjoying reading it. Of course, homework always comes first! (Said because my mom reads this too)
Morning is coming way to soon for me! It is a great thing that I do not have homework, but staying awake in class is slightly important. Though, just slightly.
Well, I am off to bed...or something else.

Summer

Do you ever wonder
Why people do what they do?
Why they trust who the trust?
Why they prortray what they feel?
Do you ever wonder
Who really chooses the punishment?
Who executes the crime?
Who carries the guilt on her heart?
Do you ever wonder
If the world is coming to an end?
If your friends are really friends?
If you are as sane as you seem?
Do you ever wonder
What's hidden behind people's eyes?
What's the solution to the indefinable problem?
Or what you could have done differently if you'd only had the chance?
Do you ever wonder
Why you stick with it?
Who plots with you and against you?
Or if now is a good time to just give up?
Do you ever wonder
What's the point of wondering?

-from Diary of an Anorexic Girl by Morgan Menzie pg. 32

A quote I really enjoyed and feel that it kinda applies to me.
"Mom always says I have a flare for the dramatics. It's usually derogatory, but in my infinite wisdom I have turned it into a motto for life. You have to admit-if you were real you'd want me to talk to you directly. I would hate to exclude, so rather thanrisk hurting feelings (real or imaginary), I will include you in my narrative. Mom also says I over-analyze things, but I don't think so at all, and since you are my imaginary audience I have decided that you absolutely agree with me."
-from Diary of an Anorexic Girl by Morgan Menzie