Help!
I so need a stress reliever right now, and so I am going to use my blog for this. This has been a horrible week for me. For those who know me, I do not cry. I really want to, but just cannot seem to. This week I have been close to tears every night. I am really stressed emotionally, and I do not know exactly why. I feel like a spring that is just waiting to explode. I have been extremely short tempered with my friends this week. I hate fighting but seem to be just picking fights with everyone I know.
I am also getting sick again, the doctors office cannot find my records at the moment so I do not know what the results of my blood test were, but the school nurse made it sound like I still have an infection. I am back to the way I was last week. Being sick makes me hard to live with, and really grouchy.
I have not been able to sleep. Sunday night was my last restful night. I have been sick, tossing and turning, having nightmares (and for me, who never remembers my dreams, suddenly to start dreaming and them being extremely unpleasant is hard for me), and just unable to relax and sleep. I am really tired! I almost feel like I am sleepwalking...
I just met two new friends tonight, and they are really cool. I also got a few of my friends really mad at me, and I feel horrible about it. I am almost afraid to see anyone again, since I am in such a bad mood I am ruining what friendships I had.
I don't know what it is, but I have been recently having more asthma attacks too, and now, unlike times before, sometimes I get a pain in my chest. I am really scared when that happens. I have not had one today or tonight, so maybe they might stop. I am still sick, but the doctors cannot find out what's wrong with me. What if I don't get better? I am sick at night, I am sick in the mornings...I cannot live like this!
I am homesick. I miss you MoM, a lot! For those of you who are not at home with her, she just got through a surgery on Monday that lasted four hours. She is home now, and still recovering.
My eyes are getting all moist, I guess that's as close as I can come to crying. I cannot handle my life right now, I am messing it up big time. I feel so weird, crying for no apparent reason other than life is bad. Yes, I am acually crying. A tear ran down my cheek, for most people, that's normal, but for someone like me who wont show emotion, that is a huge thing.
Anna took me out to dinner tonight. We had a good talk. I love Anna so much!
I am sorry to those around me who are having to deal with me right now. I was trying to hide it, but after making some people mad enough to not talk to me anymore, I wanted to let my friends and others know what's going on with me right now. I am still not feeling well, and I am going to lay down and see if I can get any rest tonight. If I do not, I may go insane, which I truly hope does not happen any time soon. The best and only thing I can think of for people to help me, is to pray for me.
I am also getting sick again, the doctors office cannot find my records at the moment so I do not know what the results of my blood test were, but the school nurse made it sound like I still have an infection. I am back to the way I was last week. Being sick makes me hard to live with, and really grouchy.
I have not been able to sleep. Sunday night was my last restful night. I have been sick, tossing and turning, having nightmares (and for me, who never remembers my dreams, suddenly to start dreaming and them being extremely unpleasant is hard for me), and just unable to relax and sleep. I am really tired! I almost feel like I am sleepwalking...
I just met two new friends tonight, and they are really cool. I also got a few of my friends really mad at me, and I feel horrible about it. I am almost afraid to see anyone again, since I am in such a bad mood I am ruining what friendships I had.
I don't know what it is, but I have been recently having more asthma attacks too, and now, unlike times before, sometimes I get a pain in my chest. I am really scared when that happens. I have not had one today or tonight, so maybe they might stop. I am still sick, but the doctors cannot find out what's wrong with me. What if I don't get better? I am sick at night, I am sick in the mornings...I cannot live like this!
I am homesick. I miss you MoM, a lot! For those of you who are not at home with her, she just got through a surgery on Monday that lasted four hours. She is home now, and still recovering.
My eyes are getting all moist, I guess that's as close as I can come to crying. I cannot handle my life right now, I am messing it up big time. I feel so weird, crying for no apparent reason other than life is bad. Yes, I am acually crying. A tear ran down my cheek, for most people, that's normal, but for someone like me who wont show emotion, that is a huge thing.
Anna took me out to dinner tonight. We had a good talk. I love Anna so much!
I am sorry to those around me who are having to deal with me right now. I was trying to hide it, but after making some people mad enough to not talk to me anymore, I wanted to let my friends and others know what's going on with me right now. I am still not feeling well, and I am going to lay down and see if I can get any rest tonight. If I do not, I may go insane, which I truly hope does not happen any time soon. The best and only thing I can think of for people to help me, is to pray for me.
3 Comments:
Man, I feel bad for you... being sick and feeling bad and all sorts of other stuff all at the same time? I don't blame you for being grouchy. We love you, girl, and I hope you start feeling better! I know how hard it is not being able to cry... I hope you start feeling better so you won't want to. I'm praying for you! And I get to come see you today! Yay!
*praying* Keep us posted.
Sometimes writing can help, believe me, I used to be a lot worse....
Rachel
I feel that this is one area as your MoM that I have failed to help you. You need a stress release button to be able to push/do/share/ so that the pressure has on out that will not destroy you/friendships/others. I will pray that you find one soon. This is especially a time to realize that God is not finished with you yet, you are a great person who once you discover God's plan for your life will be a force to reckoned with. Realize that Life is a TEAM sport with different members involved on your team from year to year. Some try out and dont stay on the team long due to injury, lure of another team, or inability to play along. God is your coach with the Holy Spirit the play instructer, teaching you new plays and schemes to win the game...All are rooting for you and wanting you to score! Yet, you must realize there is another team with a different coach who doesn't want you to succeed. If he can make you quite, sit on the bench for a play or two, he feels he is winning! Yes, the game is hard at times, but the ultamite score and winning is worth all the hard work. Dont give up, sit on the bench, or believe the other teams lie that you can do life all by yourself, instead learn the rules of the game, play for all you are worth, leave the results up to the coach, and most of all realize we all pulling for a WIN!!!
Love from a fellow team mate...One you are stuck with for life....please don't let the other quys even think they are winning....cause we are on the BEST TEAM! Love MoM
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